Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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