you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
two words...techno handjob
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
