I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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