Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
