Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
