ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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