Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
