im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
