My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
