Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
