omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
