i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
