why im i the only drunk person in the library?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
