i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
