Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
