The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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