sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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