I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
