if only i could text you this smell
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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