The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
