Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
