All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
