The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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