He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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