There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am one with the molecules
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
