Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize