he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
