it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
