So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My cat gives me a boner
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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