i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
