Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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