Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
