please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
