I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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