i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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