Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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