The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
