I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
