I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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