If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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