was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
