we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
