I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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