what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize