...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
