idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
