"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
