He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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