Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
