One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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