its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
