So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
