Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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