So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize