Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
