My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
