Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
