saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
