It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
