I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
