I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
